Life can lift you up, life can get you down
These are the exact words I wrote only two weeks ago
Back then I used them only as a starting line
Back then my body and soul still felt fine
But now it is a lot more, I had a lesson of the up and down
I had no idea I would soon feel the low in every fiber of myself
I never knew that pleasure and pain can be so close
And this time emotional pain hit me with a powerful dose
It feels like a prolonged nightmarish rollercoaster ride
It is less the up and down, but more the queasy feel in my stomach
The pleasure and pain are separated only by a fine white line
I am in a situation I have never seen before in this life of mine
My body is going haywire, it is instantly affected by my soul
The emotions are so unsettling that I am trembling at the breakfast table
Thoughts are sufficient to turn my head dizzy and my stomach sick
Thoughts are enough to alter my bloodstream through a chemical kick
Instead of the planes I have bombs in my stomach today
The sensations are stronger than in any year before
I haven't lost anything, still something special is missed by my soul
I am chasing an elusive dream that is sadly out of my control
What I miss is something in a far away place
Something I have never fully seen or understood
Something that is still partially shrouded in mist
That is the problem I am dealing with in a gist
There is nothing anyone can do to help me
I need to overcome this with my own strength
Distraction doesn't work because I can't focus on anything new
The lack of motivation for someone else is another pitfall too
I have felt the pleasure, I have felt the pain
What is happening to me? I don't know the why, nor the how
All I know is the result which is clearly felt in my body and soul
Life is unpredictable and now it has given me an unusual role
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